Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
should my penis look like a turkey
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
