Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
