dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
