I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
