Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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