I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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