are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
