i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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