The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dear god my vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
