Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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