i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
