at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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