Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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