I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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