so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
