as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
