I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
