This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
