Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
