i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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