go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
