i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
