I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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