so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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