I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
