i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
