he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
