thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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