dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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