I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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