Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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