It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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