Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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