K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You smell like a Billy Joel song
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
