ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
