i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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