His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
