May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
