JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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