I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We are all done wearing pants today
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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