whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Im part way to drunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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