Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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