i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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