dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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