I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
