I cannot find my penis.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
