So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
