i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
