Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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