I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
