Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
