I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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