If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
