Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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