I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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