Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can I color on your dick again?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize