I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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