The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
