very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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