watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
