If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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