i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize