I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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